Operation Koh Samui

We had been planning to visit Koh Samui just after Koh Tao, but were lacking in word-of-mouth insights on where to stay. Our neighbor in Tanote Bay, a Frenchman, recommended we check out Choeng Mon. Without much else to go on, we made a beeline for this beach expecting Tanote-like tranquility. What we found was spendy resorts, noisy watersports, and a general feeling of Hilton Head meets Thai islands. This is all has its place… but not in our backpacker’s budget. We do hope to have money so we can eat when we return. (Trust me! We’re making a list of foods we dearly miss: real cheese and whole grains for me, brownies and pretty much anything cold for Michael. More on that later.) Arriving in Koh Samui was a bit of a letdown, we were dismayed to find, but things began to turn around when we followed our noses. 

Realizing Choeng Mon wasn’t our speed, we turned to plan b – Mae Nam. It’s not regarded as the most beautiful beach on Koh Samui, nor the most happening. But it is known for its high concentration of Thai residency, which in our minds meant -what else- authentic Thai food. Conveniently, we were dropped off in front of a guesthouse just as it was getting dark. Lolita Bungalows the sign said. Sounds scandalous enough.

Jackpot! Here in Mae Nam we found menus with no (or unintelligibly translated) English, foods we couldn’t identify, and many occasions of pointing, charading, and hoping for the best. I ended up drinking something that might’ve been wine for breakfast; in my defense, I thought it mangosteen juice. Luckily, it was a late breakfast. This is also where Michael made friends with Mr. Pancake Man (it is still on the tourist trail, after all) and we took our chances with food advertised as “rotten meat”. 

Even with these culinary delights, the real highlight came when, after spending a hot morning roasting in the Thai sun (I know- you don’t feel sorry for us!), attempting (not very successfully for me, it turned out) to digest “rotten meat”, Michael spotted a man coming toward us. He had a heavily weighted bag of some sort over one shoulder, it it looked like it might be the insulated variety. Seeing our stares, he trudged closer. This is when we realized exactly what was going on. It WAS a heavily weighted, insulated bag. This man was here to sell us ice cream. 

 Now, if you are unaware of Michael’s nearly-nightly ritual, you might wonder what we were so excited about. But if you know that my future husband has a penchant for, some might say addiction to, ice cream, and you also are aware of the lack of both effective refrigeration and dairy products in this country, then you might get a feeling for why we were so pumped. Michael’s daily ice cream consumption might not sound like the healthiest habit. For most of us, it wouldn’t be, if you have what you’d consider a fairly “normal” metabolism. But through some miraculous combination of science, genetics, and blessings from the dairy gods, this man can eat generously-portioned bowls of full-fat ice cream on the daily and never gains weight. My cholesterol goes up just smelling it. His? His triglycerides are practically in the negatives. 

Shortly thereafter, a man came down the beach with forty different sarongs waving in the wind. (“Many color! You can try!”) Then came a woman carrying a gigantic frame draped in spinning, clinking, wooden windchimes. You could choose from flapping birds or fish with spinning fins, whatever your pleasure. Others came by carrying displays of beaded earrings, shell bracelets, and long strands of pearls; still more paraded past with arms full of sundresses. This was miracle! We’ll never have to leave the beach!! 

As my stomach settled the next day, I waited patiently for a morning snack. Would it be ice cream for Brooke? Not likely, not today. I was hoping for something a fruitier, more tropical. Perhaps a juicy pineapple? Just-picked papaya? Dragonfruit? We weren’t long waiting before some fellows came close with their cases. We tried to act disinterested to improve our bargaining power. Strangely, they didn’t try to pitch us this morning. One vendor plunked down to our left, another came shortly thereafter to our right. Their mobile fruit stands are really just two crates, connected by a long bar. They rest the middle of the bar on one shoulder, with the weight of the coolers balancing on either side, in front and behind them. We got a closer look at how their wares were sold, but still hadn’t sprung for any snacks. Our vendors, it seemed, were taking a break. 

It wasn’t long until they were back at it, extolling the values of their corn on the cob, grilled salted and buttered on-sight. They also offered cold, refreshing mango, expertly peeled and cubed for your snacking enjoyment. Then they made an offer we hadn’t heard before- they asked if Michael wanted to try his hand. That’s right – carrying and selling fresh fruit or grilled corn from mobile stand. How could he refuse? 

Actually, I thought he would decline. Maybe for a second he didn’t realize how funny this would be- Michael, strutting up and down the beach, bellowing about the corn he would grill. Maybe he was being polite, and didn’t want to do better sales than these guys. Turns out, they weren’t offering to test his sales charisma – they didn’t think he could pick it up! 

Heave!

The vendor had warned him, this portable fruit stand was heavy. The weight would be over one shoulder, and if he could get under that bar just right, he might be able to trot down the beach with it. Michael stooped and I’m pretty sure I heard him grunt. Heave! He boosted the bar onto his right shoulder. This first attempt didn’t look too graceful, but he got it out of the sand. The vendors cheered. I got out the video camera. Michael proceeded to wobble down the beach, soliciting stares from his would-be customers. He made it much farther than I would have, this much I know. He even tried to get a lady to buy a mango, but I think she was too baffled to say yes or no. 

Michael hawks mangoes

Soon he returned and plunked down the fruit stand. Then he picked up the second vendor’s, just to make sure the first one wasn’t an insanely heavy fluke. Apparently, it wasn’t. Now that we (well, Michael – I wasn’t about to lift it) had a deeper appreciation for the hard work these vendors do, we had no choice but to lighten their load. 

As if to rectify her countryman’s poor beach recommendation karma, a French lady had donated a bag mangosteens to our cause – they were leaving and couldn’t fly with the fruits. Tropical refreshment problem solved. But still, we pretty much had to buy something from our new fruit-bearing friends. Michael settled for corn-on-the cob, his buddy raking the charcoals to stir the grill. Followed by a slathering of a neon butterlike susbtance and an overly enthusiastic shaking of salt, Michael enjoyed what may be his most hard-earned ear of corn yet. 

Michael and Brooke enjoy grilled corn

Here’s the video evidence of Michael’s adventure:

Michael and his new friend

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2 Responses to Operation Koh Samui

  1. pat says:

    Mangosteen is the new “IN” fruit that is good for the immune system and surprisingly lowers C Reactive protein. Wish you could package it and bring home large quantities!

    I was concerned for Michael’s easily disjointed shoulder!

    • Brooke says:

      Thanks Pat, I hadn’t heard they lower CRP. I was surprised at how unassuming they are, since in the states they’ve been marketed as miracle fruits. They are very tasty, too!

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