Best of Thailand

We’ve just made it to Malaysia, but before we launch into how excited we are to be here, we figured it was time for a Thailand roundup. Happily, the good far outweighs the bad, but in the name of balance I will address both. I’m trying hard to avoid saying “It was the best of Thais, it was the worst of Thais…” but apparently I can’t help myself:

Best of Thais

1. The fruits! Fruit shakes have ended up being our number one favorite, because this was one consistently delicious item throughout our travels. Sometimes the noodles were exceptional, sometimes they were questionable; but overall, the fruits won out. Sneaky trick on their part though – early on, Michael noticed they added sugar (in the form of cane or palm). We made our best effort to ask for our fruitshakes without this addition.

Bananas!

2. Bidets. Need I say more? If you’ve ever experienced this kind of cleanliness, you know what I mean. I never thought I would be a fan, and it took me some time to adapt, but these things are genius.

3. Transportation. I’m not sure how this made the “best of Thais” list, but the sheer entertainment value of tuk tuks, scooters everywhere, songthaews, blantant transportation scams, and getting rides from Thai authorities (we think it was the Krabi police who kindly drove us to where we could catch a songthaew) makes for a new perspective of getting there from here.

4. The personality. Although the friendliness started to wane on the southern islands, I’ll never forget how nice the people were in Chiang Mai.

4.5. Haggling. I wish I could walk into Ann Taylor and offer to pay them less than half of what they’re asking! Can you imagine trying to do this back home?

5. Food stalls. Roti with bananas and chocolate – mmm! They’ll put everything in a roti: cheese, fruit, condensed milk, Nutella, meat, or some combination thereof. We also devoured some spring rolls, satays, kaew soy, and glass noodles. Inexplicably, Michael has lost 10 pounds! I think I’ve found them…

Worst of Thais

1. This is easy – the transportation rip-offs! They will sell you a ticket, drop you off somewhere random, and you have no choice but to then buy your next ticket from the same outfit! You’ll be sold a ticket to one dock, but lo and behold, you end up at the wrong one. Oh, guess what? There’s a ticket booth right there with a helpful agent who can set you back on the right path. It is really infuriating to be told bold-faced lies, but it sure does happen on the tourist trail. And it’s not as simple as going to the official ticket office, like we would in the States. An empire has been built on scams like this, shaking unwitting tourists out of two and three dollars at a time.

2. The heat. Not for us, although I really do feel like I’m melting sometimes. The water is so hot right now in the Andaman Sea – about 90 degrees Fahrenheit – that the coral is bleaching.  This means it dies, losing its color and its habitat for other marine life. Hopefully the rainy season cools it off, and quickly.

3. Disrespectful tourists. Sometimes I would cringe when I overheard things my fellow Westerners said. One guy went up to a food stall (serving Thai food, mind you) and said “What, you mean you don’t have any, like, burgers?” Then there was the guy who got locked out of his room and tried to beat the door down at 4am, yelling to his roommate in an American accent. And the endless parties where everyone trashes the beach. And the trash and the trash and the trash… The trash washing up on shore absolutely broke my heart. Michael managed to make this profitable one day when he was picking up trash on Phi Phi and found a book, which he then sold at a bookshop.

4. Travelers diarrhea… ’nuff said. Thank goodness for antibiotics.

Michael and Brooke

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A Great Sunset and Then…

***Disclosure to our parents that end our conversations with “Be safe.” Read at your own risk.***

Brooke is quickly learning that I am not a true R & R person. Even when it comes to living life on Koh Phi Phi, an Andaman Coast island off western Thailand. Many one would expect our times to be spent on the beach, soaking in the rays, enjoying the sand and crystal blue waters. Not me. I know I should be part of that group, but impatience and conquering the unknown always gets the best of me. And by default, Brooke gets sucked in too.

The tsunami in December 2004 devastated Koh Phi Phi. A tiny, flat stretch of island connects two bays, with large mountainous regions on opposite sides. Much of the town’s happenings (and the rest of the backpackers) are in this central location. Tired of being on the beach with other 20-somethings, beer bottles, loud music, and trash, we decided that Koh Phi Phi had to have a better beach. So, with the thermometer reaching a warm 36 degrees Celsius (I don’t know my Fahrenheit conversion besides it being ‘hot’), we decided to scale the mountain, conquer its point, then meander down to Rantee Beach, get R&R, and then hike back for the sunset over Viewpoint 3.

The new up and coming hiking outfit by Nike (wide brim hat, bathing suit, dress, white socks, cross trainers)

As we were climbing, we were assured that no one else was making this trek to Rantee. Right we were. We enjoy the afternoon; the other beachgoer, as the sun is setting, asks if we want a taxi boat around. “Nah, we will hike and catch the sunset.”

Beautiful Rantee Beach

And catch the sunset we did. It was marvelous, just like the other sunsets that we have witnessed in SE Asia.  We were 300 meters above the sea, looking straight out into the Indian Ocean from the highest point on this side of the island, by ourselves on this viewpoint, and just gazing…..

Viewpoint 3

……and not realizing that there was a storm approaching from the east.

Storm from the east

The town of Phi Phi, the tiny strip of land between the bays

In an instant, booming thunder and electriflying lighting snuck up behind us. There have been many times that I have been in the middle of a flat open space with lighting and skirted to safety quickly. But this time, while we were safe from some natural elements (namely a tsunami), being at the highest point on an island next to the island’s metal communication’s tower was not the place to be.

“I think we should go down.” No #*&%, Michael.

Do we run? Brooke’s knee has been bothering her for several years when she runs, especially when she goes downhill. But we both agree without really verbalizing that this is no time for R&R. Brooke, you are going to have to swallow it and scoot down the mountain with a great gallop. We will deal with your pain at the bottom.

Lighting close overhead. Thunder booming. We scurry ourselves down the island at a wicked pace. And Brooke’s knee holds up until the last step, making it inside our hotel one minute before the downpour.

“My knee did not hurt until the final step.” Adrenaline, Brooke, adrenaline.

And yes, parents, we understand that was not the safest thing to do. Nor taking a picture midway down the run. But these Thai rain storms will come on you quickly.

Okay, so maybe R&R is the right thing to do on a beach…..but it really was a great sunset.

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Barracuda! A Disturbing Experience of A Different Nature

Laying on the beach in Reileh (or Railay) Beach, Thailand, we needed to get some exercise–snorkeling. We signed up with a tour company, Barracuda Tours, for a 9 a.m. departure to “Four Islands” on a long-tail boat. We expected a nice, small cruise with maybe 10-15 others. But it quickly became aware while I hate these mass group touristy tours.

We waited for the 9 a.m. boat. Ah, it finally arrives at 10:15 a.m. and its 60 other passengers. Spoiler #1. 

We hit the first spot for some snorkeling. The company does not provide the fins, so it is half-snorkeling one could say with just the mask and snorkel. One hour, we are told, to do your snorkeling. We mosey our way around the island and with 20 minutes remaining and swimming next to a huge pink jellyfish, Brooke decides to relax. I continue to snorkel for the final part of the allotted hour. I end it early with five minutes to spare. Brooke is running towards me, yelling, “Hurry up, the boat is leaving!” I make it in the nick of time. Spoiler #2.

A drive-by “Chicken Island” happens before our next snorkeling stop.

Named “Chicken Island.” Fair enough.

We anchor. Unfortunately, Barracuda Tours decides to anchor on the coral. In disbelief, I question this tactic. “It is okay, we lower the anchor; we don’t drop it,” the guide reassures me.  Big Spoiler #3

Next, the tour group allows its passengers to feed the fish loads of bread. As one friend mentioned before, in the thousands of years of fish evolution, fish have yet to learn to mill, cultivate, and eat flour. Spoiler #4.

We make our way for a lunch break on an island that every other snorkeling and tour group from the surrounding area visits. We dine on fried egg over rice and chicken curry. Mind you that it is now 12 p.m. and the lunches have been sitting in the front of the long tail for at least the last three hours. The registered dietitian in Brooke raises her eyebrows. Food safety, ha. She eats it (shh, don’t tell her you know this)! Semi-spoiler #5.

The last stop sets us on Phranang Beach. As we anchor, one of the crew members threw his cigarette butt into the water. Spoiler #6. Since this stop connects to our beach, we skip the boat on the way back and lounge until all the tour groups depart. While the tour starts extremely late, Barracuda Tours had no problem ending the tour at the expected hour. With the groups gone, it becomes a great beach! As we head back, we pass Phrarang Cave. It houses the spirit of Princess Pharang that is worshipped by the locals, as they leave typical offerings: food, candles, flowers, and, oh yeah, of course, wooden lingas. Lots of them. 

Now you understand "lingas"?

Hmm…

 These are not for fertility, but to thank the virgin princess for a trip filled with good luck.

And as we walk back towards our guesthouse, we are surrounded by a huge family–20 to 30, young and old—of crab eating macaques. They swing from the trees, searching for fruit left over by the passing tourists. It looks like they have dinner now!

Macaque enjoying dinner

Who is more scared?

We made a poor decision with Barracuda Tours for numerous faults on their part.  We understand it might be our western minds that want what’s ‘best,’ but when the country has so many beautiful things to offer, it is hard to stomach the company’s lack of appreciation. Unfortunately, our money still supported such unfriendly and poor choices. While the Phranang-Railay Sustainable Tourism Development Project is working to educate the community on the negative effects of this type of tour, it is still difficult to see it in practice.  

In the future we will leave most sights and scenes to be found by our diligent work, not some mass producing tourist company.

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Operation Koh Samui

We had been planning to visit Koh Samui just after Koh Tao, but were lacking in word-of-mouth insights on where to stay. Our neighbor in Tanote Bay, a Frenchman, recommended we check out Choeng Mon. Without much else to go on, we made a beeline for this beach expecting Tanote-like tranquility. What we found was spendy resorts, noisy watersports, and a general feeling of Hilton Head meets Thai islands. This is all has its place… but not in our backpacker’s budget. We do hope to have money so we can eat when we return. (Trust me! We’re making a list of foods we dearly miss: real cheese and whole grains for me, brownies and pretty much anything cold for Michael. More on that later.) Arriving in Koh Samui was a bit of a letdown, we were dismayed to find, but things began to turn around when we followed our noses. 

Realizing Choeng Mon wasn’t our speed, we turned to plan b – Mae Nam. It’s not regarded as the most beautiful beach on Koh Samui, nor the most happening. But it is known for its high concentration of Thai residency, which in our minds meant -what else- authentic Thai food. Conveniently, we were dropped off in front of a guesthouse just as it was getting dark. Lolita Bungalows the sign said. Sounds scandalous enough.

Jackpot! Here in Mae Nam we found menus with no (or unintelligibly translated) English, foods we couldn’t identify, and many occasions of pointing, charading, and hoping for the best. I ended up drinking something that might’ve been wine for breakfast; in my defense, I thought it mangosteen juice. Luckily, it was a late breakfast. This is also where Michael made friends with Mr. Pancake Man (it is still on the tourist trail, after all) and we took our chances with food advertised as “rotten meat”. 

Even with these culinary delights, the real highlight came when, after spending a hot morning roasting in the Thai sun (I know- you don’t feel sorry for us!), attempting (not very successfully for me, it turned out) to digest “rotten meat”, Michael spotted a man coming toward us. He had a heavily weighted bag of some sort over one shoulder, it it looked like it might be the insulated variety. Seeing our stares, he trudged closer. This is when we realized exactly what was going on. It WAS a heavily weighted, insulated bag. This man was here to sell us ice cream. 

 Now, if you are unaware of Michael’s nearly-nightly ritual, you might wonder what we were so excited about. But if you know that my future husband has a penchant for, some might say addiction to, ice cream, and you also are aware of the lack of both effective refrigeration and dairy products in this country, then you might get a feeling for why we were so pumped. Michael’s daily ice cream consumption might not sound like the healthiest habit. For most of us, it wouldn’t be, if you have what you’d consider a fairly “normal” metabolism. But through some miraculous combination of science, genetics, and blessings from the dairy gods, this man can eat generously-portioned bowls of full-fat ice cream on the daily and never gains weight. My cholesterol goes up just smelling it. His? His triglycerides are practically in the negatives. 

Shortly thereafter, a man came down the beach with forty different sarongs waving in the wind. (“Many color! You can try!”) Then came a woman carrying a gigantic frame draped in spinning, clinking, wooden windchimes. You could choose from flapping birds or fish with spinning fins, whatever your pleasure. Others came by carrying displays of beaded earrings, shell bracelets, and long strands of pearls; still more paraded past with arms full of sundresses. This was miracle! We’ll never have to leave the beach!! 

As my stomach settled the next day, I waited patiently for a morning snack. Would it be ice cream for Brooke? Not likely, not today. I was hoping for something a fruitier, more tropical. Perhaps a juicy pineapple? Just-picked papaya? Dragonfruit? We weren’t long waiting before some fellows came close with their cases. We tried to act disinterested to improve our bargaining power. Strangely, they didn’t try to pitch us this morning. One vendor plunked down to our left, another came shortly thereafter to our right. Their mobile fruit stands are really just two crates, connected by a long bar. They rest the middle of the bar on one shoulder, with the weight of the coolers balancing on either side, in front and behind them. We got a closer look at how their wares were sold, but still hadn’t sprung for any snacks. Our vendors, it seemed, were taking a break. 

It wasn’t long until they were back at it, extolling the values of their corn on the cob, grilled salted and buttered on-sight. They also offered cold, refreshing mango, expertly peeled and cubed for your snacking enjoyment. Then they made an offer we hadn’t heard before- they asked if Michael wanted to try his hand. That’s right – carrying and selling fresh fruit or grilled corn from mobile stand. How could he refuse? 

Actually, I thought he would decline. Maybe for a second he didn’t realize how funny this would be- Michael, strutting up and down the beach, bellowing about the corn he would grill. Maybe he was being polite, and didn’t want to do better sales than these guys. Turns out, they weren’t offering to test his sales charisma – they didn’t think he could pick it up! 

Heave!

The vendor had warned him, this portable fruit stand was heavy. The weight would be over one shoulder, and if he could get under that bar just right, he might be able to trot down the beach with it. Michael stooped and I’m pretty sure I heard him grunt. Heave! He boosted the bar onto his right shoulder. This first attempt didn’t look too graceful, but he got it out of the sand. The vendors cheered. I got out the video camera. Michael proceeded to wobble down the beach, soliciting stares from his would-be customers. He made it much farther than I would have, this much I know. He even tried to get a lady to buy a mango, but I think she was too baffled to say yes or no. 

Michael hawks mangoes

Soon he returned and plunked down the fruit stand. Then he picked up the second vendor’s, just to make sure the first one wasn’t an insanely heavy fluke. Apparently, it wasn’t. Now that we (well, Michael – I wasn’t about to lift it) had a deeper appreciation for the hard work these vendors do, we had no choice but to lighten their load. 

As if to rectify her countryman’s poor beach recommendation karma, a French lady had donated a bag mangosteens to our cause – they were leaving and couldn’t fly with the fruits. Tropical refreshment problem solved. But still, we pretty much had to buy something from our new fruit-bearing friends. Michael settled for corn-on-the cob, his buddy raking the charcoals to stir the grill. Followed by a slathering of a neon butterlike susbtance and an overly enthusiastic shaking of salt, Michael enjoyed what may be his most hard-earned ear of corn yet. 

Michael and Brooke enjoy grilled corn

Here’s the video evidence of Michael’s adventure:

Michael and his new friend

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Finally, a stomach’s heaven!

The traveling bug–the actual bacteria–that seems to be implanted on all passengers as they embark on their foreign tours has finally left us. I hope. After four weeks of slugging our way through family style meals, roadside stands, street market food, western restaurants and trying to get ‘accustomed,’ I cross my fingers that this bug has left the building.

So we start our day in super touristy Koh Samui, Thailand, at 8 a.m. longing for some real Thai food. Tired of the “American Breakfast” as advertised, we stumbled on a sweet lady that had a Thai-only menu, but prices to our liking. Brooke nods her head at whatever she points to, and we get two of these. Turns out we get duck breast, deep fried pork belly, and sausage and one hard boiled egg over rice. Note that besides the egg, we are unsure what we have in front of us.  A nice galangal broth soup, fresh orange juice and hibiscus juice complete the meal. While we are not sure what we ate, we know what we ate worthies a return visit the next day for lunch!

Lounging on the beach in Mae Na (north central beach in Koh Samui), we turn to our bungalow’s restaurant for lunch. In Luang Prabang, we met Rayko, a Bulgarian-turned-Thai. He gave us  seven Thai phrases that we needed to implement to order quality Thai food. With my phonetic cheat sheet and total disregard for its English menu, I order “plah toad prick thai cat-tee yem” and “yammm taa-lay”.

The server stares at me.

I try again.

Now she responds with exuberance, “Ahh, pla toad prick thai cat-tee yem and yammm taa-lay.”

Proud of my undeveloped Thai accent, I think, “Exactly,” but she looks at me with the expression of “why didn’t you just tell me so before?” So much for phonetics.

But we get our tuna with garlic and pepper and seafood salad. It was as delicious as Rayko informed us it would be. Maybe my Thai is not so bad.

Renting a motor scooter, we chase the evening sunset to the west coast of Koh Samui. [Brooke remarks, “Does this mean we are riding off into the sunset?”]. Finding a hand-painted sign that says “Beryl’s Bar (drinks, sunset, view),” we turn down the muddy path. At the end of the road, the bay unfolds with Beryl meeting us as we get off our scooter.

“A Chang beer, banana shake, and small seafood salad,” we request for our watch of the evening sun falling into the Gulf of Thailand.

Brooke enjoying her Chang. And YOU thought I got the Chang!

Sunset looking towards Angthong Marine Park while dining on a Chang, Banana Shake and Seafood Salad

With several hours left in the day, more eating, drinking and desserting is to be done. We ride to Fisherman’s Village, which turns out to be uber touristy. While Brooke can find a Magner’s Cider in the U.S. once every two/three years, no problem finding it here on the islands. Checking the first Irish pub we found, Brooke was delighted to drink one there, but not equally delighted to pay the $9 USD for it!! With the rest of the food joints there equally expensive, we head back to the traditional, local huts.

We found it. Glancing at the menu, we are unsure of our pick of the restaurant after looking at the third listed menu option.

Rotten Meat

If they blatantly advertise ‘rotten meat’, it has to be a good restaurant, right? The savory ‘standard pork leg rice’ and ‘beef noodle, dry’ were solid picks for us.

Pork Leg Rice

And who can go to bed without a little dessert? On a specific search for a banana pancake, we luckily stumbled on the man himself: Mr. Pancake Man. Yes, that is his name or his shop. But in the four weeks of traveling, no one has named their shops in English; one would just advertise ‘roti’ or ‘banana pancake’. Except for Mr. Pancake Man. Judging from his shop, he has made himself a celebrity through awards, newspaper clippings, and honors. His production of a chocolate banana pancake (very French crepe-like) topped with sugar and sweeten condensed milk earned him the right for me to head back to Mr. Pancake Man again tonight!

With a solid 16 hours eating and no problems, my stomach is back. Finally a day that I have looked forward to: one in which I am thinking about the next meal before I finish my current meal.

And, hey, traveler’s bug, bring your rotten meat, we will handle it.

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